Putting Yourself First is Not Selfish, It’s Necessary
Imagine waking up every morning feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. The endless expectations, responsibilities, and demands from family, work, and community pull you in so many directions. You keep giving and giving, but at the end of the day, what’s left for you? What happens when you pour from that empty cup?
This is the experience of so many women, and today, I want to talk about that journey—the journey of reclaiming self-care and self-love. As women of color, we must learn to prioritize our own needs without feeling guilty or, even worse, feeling like we’re not doing enough.
Let’s be real: we all have this shared story. Many of us were raised to put others first, and if you were the eldest daughter, you know the weight of those expectations even more. The responsibilities and discipline expected of us often felt far heavier than what was expected of our brothers or younger siblings.
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Neglect
Self-care and self-love are concepts we often struggle to embrace. We've been conditioned to believe that putting ourselves first is selfish or a luxury we can’t afford. So, we push through. We ignore our needs. We keep going, even when our bodies and spirits are crying out for rest and care.
I’ve been there, too. I’ve caught myself ignoring my own well-being, even when I knew better. I had to stop and ask myself: Why do you do this? Why are you mad at yourself for being human?
For example, when I got sick recently, I was furious. Instead of giving myself grace, I thought, I don’t have time for this. I have things to do.
But that mindset comes at a cost.
The Cost of Neglecting Yourself
Ignoring your own needs leads to burnout, resentment, and eventually, a disconnect from yourself. You lose touch with your passions, your purpose, and even your joy.
We can’t keep giving to others without replenishing ourselves. It’s like trying to water a garden with an empty watering can. You can’t nurture anyone else if you’re running on empty.
Prioritizing Yourself Isn’t Selfish
Putting yourself first isn’t selfish—it’s essential. It’s about recognizing that your well-being matters just as much as the people and responsibilities in your life.
When you take the time to care for yourself, you show up as a better version of you: more present, more balanced, and more fulfilled. Self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant. It can be as simple as:
Setting boundaries and learning to say no.
Taking 15 minutes a day to journal, meditate, or just breathe.
Listening to your body when it needs rest.
Allowing yourself time to explore hobbies or passions that bring you joy.
Final Thoughts
The journey to self-love and self-care is about reclaiming your power and deciding that you matter. It’s about unlearning the harmful belief that your worth is tied to how much you can give to others.
So, the next time you feel the pressure to neglect yourself, remember this: prioritizing your own well-being is a gift to yourself and to everyone around you. A healthy, happy, and fulfilled version of you is the best version you can be.
Take care of yourself—because you deserve it.
